The Mainstream Fringe

Apologies for the (further) delay in the VWBC. It was caused by a French-backed Communist plot to take over the world which necessitated temporary suspension of the tournament, which should resume as soon as the chaos ends.

In the meantime, check out my newly-launched political blog, http://mainstreamfringe.wordpress.com/.

VWBC To Recommence

VWBC
As the more observant people out there have surely noticed, there has been no news of the Vertissimoto World Baseball Championship since October of 2006. As readers may also be able to figure out, this means that the VWBC has been out of commission for nine whole months, a huge delay that dwarfs all the other ones which have so consistently plagued the tournament. The tale of how this happened is fairly lengthy and only mildly interesting, so it could very well be a waste of your time for me to tell it and you to read it. This, of course, will not prevent me in the slightest from telling it, and it will likely not prevent you from reading it either, so let's get on with it. Like so many similar bad things, the delay was due to the two main sources of evil in this world: communists and the french.

If we were to rewind time back to October 14, 2006, we would find a baseball world still chattering about Mongolia crunching Indonesia, and anxiously awaiting the semifinals of the VWBC, featuring two epic clashes between continental champions. However that night a shocking piece of news shattered the happy air. Franz Hatz, the pitcher whose amazing skill had been a large part of Liechtenstein's epic cinderella run, tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs. Although there had been several rounds of drug testing throughout the tournament, all players had come out negative in every single one, making for a tournament that was (up to that point) remarkably clean and fair. Hatz himself had been tested and passed twice. As the story broke the next day, commentators largely concurred that it was bound to happen sometime, but they expressed almost unanimous disappointment that it should come from a seemingly heroic man who led such an inspiring team. Hatz, meanwhile, vehemently denied the allegations, steadfastly insisting that he had taken no drugs.

At first it appeared that the incident, while scandalous, would not derail the competition. Hatz was ejected and banned from the tournament. Members of the English team that Liechtenstein had just eliminated made angry pronouncements about cheating, but took no more substantial action than that. The next day, however, two more Liechtenstein players received positive test results, including their offensive leader, Joseph Von Straten. England was enraged, and within hours the British Baseball Federation, which carries considerable clout because England and Scotland (two powerful teams) are members, angrily revoked its approval of the VWBC. This greatly decreased the tournament's credibility, which was previously unprecedented because it had the approval of all the various baseball organizations around the world. The very next day, an English team member tested positive, as did three Australians. This provoked the American Baseball League, another organization with huge clout to indignantly revoke their approval in protest because the USA, its premier member nation, had been defeated by the Australians. In the following days, several more positive tests were released, and league after league withdrew approval from the flailing tournament, until only two unimportant leagues still approved of the tournament. Although every single player denied any drug involvement, the VWBC had been rutted by a deep-running doping scandal, and with its credibility utterly destroyed, it looked to be heading for an inglorious end.

However, everything was not as it seemed. The only person who realized that something might be wrong was a top VWBC security official named Roger Vygrass. Vygrass sensed that it wasn't logical that so many tests should be positive when all of the subjects had come up negative before, and that all the players should be found out at the same time. So he assembled a team of highly skilled VWBC security personnel and set off to see if he could uncover anything. He started by poring over records of what the accused players had done in the past days, and soon found a strange connection. All of the accused players had eaten with people of French nationality shortly before their tests came back positive. So Vygrass and his team began watching prominent members of French baseball who had dined with the accused players. They began to catch occasional snatches about "the plot" or "our triumph". Vygrass and his team went to France, where they put several key Frenchies under extensive surveillance. After 8 months of painstakingly gathering evidence, Vygrass had uncovered an epic plot. It seemed that the French, who had been annihilated in the first round, decided that if they couldn't win the tournament, no one could. High-up people in the French baseball organization had paid a huge sum of money to KGB scientists for a substance that is odorless and tasteless but shows up exactly like steroids in drug tests. These scientists were working for the undercover communist regime that is gathering power, silently waiting to reclaim Russia, and the French had just funded their effort in addition to everything else. They had then slipped this substance into the food of the accused players, causing the pandemonium that derailed the VWBC.

Vygrass brought his case back to VWBC organizers, who had long since called off the tournament. They were ecstatic at a chance to revive the VWBC, so they assembled a sort of "baseball court" of representatives from the participating federations. This assembly examined Vygrass's evidence, found it conclusive, and unanimously reapproved the tournament and voted to restart it. France was banned from all future Vertissimoto-sponsored events and ejected from the European Baseball Coalition. The VWBC semifinals are set to be announced very soon, so stay tuned.

(1) Mongolia 7 (3) Indonesia 4

VWBC
TOKYO - After the lengthy rebuilding required to make the huge Tokyo Arena fit to play in after an earthquake struck in close proximity to it, the Asian final was played under the newly installed lights tonight. Both teams had been on ice for almost three months, and doubters on both sides worried that the break would produce a substandard game, however it was anything but that.
In the first few innings, the teams did show signs off rustiness, with both sides committing errors. In the 3rd, however, Indonesia seemed to shake off the dust with a shattering 3 run inning. After that the Mongolian defense closed up, allowing only one more run all game, but the offense was still quiet going into the 6th, but then the Mongolian Machine finally ground into action with a 5 run innnig highlighted by a grand slam, which was all they would need. Once they get clicking, its hard to see how anyone will be able to beat the Mongolian Machine, a team that insists on never having individual names mentioned in the media, or anywhere else for that matter, including there uniforms. The Mongolian sense of team is so strong that they suppress all information about their names, and only a few diehard fans know them. They even eliminate the sense of individual identity that numbers give, all wearing the number zero. Next they will clash with Liechtenstein in what seems like the ultimate climax of their respective storylines, which seems to happen with almost every VWBC game here in the last rounds. With this win, Mongolia claims the Asian title.

(4) England 4 (14) Liechtenstein 10

VWBC
SALZBURG - In the much-hyped European final, Liechtenstein yesterday shocked the world in a match that had been delayed for almost a month due to a major earthquake in Tokyo, the site of the Asian final. Rather than move to a new location and continue play, VWBC officials decided to put the tourney on hold for a few weeks as a gesture to show that the world should focus on helping the people affected by the disaster. This was the longest of the delays that have plagued the VWBC since its beginning, making it over 3 months long. All of which only added to the suspense hanging in the Austrian air in anticipation of the finale between cinderella story Liechtenstein and top-seed (however also an upset victor) England. The two squads went back to their home countries to tune up and rest for two weeks before returning for Salzburg to the pressure-filled atmosphere in which the game would take place.

Tonight, when the game finally happened, Liechtenstein, who had been playing like champions in their last match, where they unseated powerhouse Scotland, did not disappoint. The game looked like a repeat of Liechtenstein's round 3 triumph over Scotland, with the English playing in a similar, British style. Again, Franz Hatz's newfound dominance in pitching prevailed over the normally power-hitting English offense. English star Richard Yoreson was completely dumbfounded by Hatz's pitching, as Hatz used pinpoint control and a huge slowdown on his changeup to strike out "Lionheart" twice in a game that saw him go 0 for 4. What offense England did produce was scored by a variety of their players, and their runs were spread across the game, never earning more than one in an inning, as the Liechtensteinian defense kept a tight lid on them, never allowing any rallies to gain momentum.

Hatz's mastery was supplemented by his team's offensive effort. Joseph von Straten once again emerged as Liechtenstein's hero with 3 hits and 5 RBIs, among which were two home runs. Liechtenstein got on the board first in the 3rd, with a 3 run rally, then continued to add runs througout, building up an insurmountable lead. This tiny country now can claim dominance over all of Europe, and a team that was written off by most commentators as likely to lose in the first round has risen to the top of arguably the most competitive region in the tourney. After their play so far, it is unlikely that anyone will not think that Liechtenstein will now be stepping into a well-deserved place in the vaunted VWBC final four, as one of the four best teams in the world. Next they will either face the Mongolian Machine or Indonesia, and if as most predict they end up facing the former, who have been absolutely crushing all resistance, it should produce a match for the ages.

As for England, they are well on their way to a return to what they were in the 80s, a dominating force in international baseball, having claimed second place in Europe.

(3) Egypt 1 (4) Democratic Republic of the Congo 5

VWBC
GIZA - I'd be surprised if screenwriters aren't bidding for the movie rights to this one even as you're reading this. What occured last Friday and what has been occuring these past months for the team from the DRC is most definitely movie-worthy, too good to be true. The team from DRC, a country that for years has been plagued by violence, disease, and poverty, defeated the Egyptian squad in a solid victory, 5-1. The pinpoint control Oshava Kesharo, having started every one of the DRC's games so far, confounded Egypt's attack with 9 strikeouts and only allowing one run. A little of everything helped DRC's offense, with small ball, power, and simple singles all contributing to their five runs. However that is just the technical story of the game. Much more inspiring are the stories of the fans, of a people united, even if only for a few months, by baseball. Every one of the DRC's players have become heroes in their homeland. The touching stories are endless: citizens packing huge spaces to view games on government-funded big screens, people claiming that cheering for the team is what gets them by in their troubled lives. But most inspiring of all was something that happened in the aftermath of last Friday's contest: members of enemy militias laid down their weapons, met, and celebrated together. While it remains to be seen if this baseball can truly bring peace to the troubled country, people of the DRC now have something they sorely need: something to cheer for.

(1) Australia 4 (3) St. Lucia 7

VWBC
CASTRIES - Last week in the first of four clashes for continental supremacy, St. Lucia derailed number one seed Australia in a 7-4 victory. Fresh off their defeat of traditional power USA and having rolled through the tournament thus far, the up-and-coming Aussies were completely nonplussed by a St. Lucian squad that was never expected to win this game. The Australians, a team composed of many players from a variety of nations drawn to this new center of the game in the pacific, were no doubt expecting to run over the tough yet untalented (compared to them, or so they thought) St. Lucians. But from the very first inning, fueled by the fervent cheering of their home crowd, the St. Lucian squad displayede more awareness, hussle, and drive than the Australians, scoring 5 runs in the first 4 innings. Gradually, the Australian giant seemed to shake itself awake. By the fifth they were coming alive again, and eventually got within one run during a 6th inning rally, but were stopped by an amazing double play turned by St. Lucia's shortstop and second baseman. Shortstop Rico Kelly made a leaping catch that would have been seemingly impossible for a mortal, and then flipped it to second for the easy second out. St. Lucia topped it all off in the 7th with a two run homer. They advance and claim dominance over their region, with this tiny island nation now holding bragging rights over powers like the US and Australia. Now they are guaranteed at least a shot at medaling, and advance to compete with either Egypt or the DRC for the right to play in the VWBC final.

Quarterfinal matchups

VWBC
Here is the schedule for the quarterfinals of the VWBC. Matches are not necessarily in the order they will be played, but they are still in bracket order (the winner of a match will play the winner of the match below it in the next round).
Europe Region
Games to be played at Salzburg Stadium in Austria:
(4) England vs. (14) Liechtenstein August 19
Asia/Middle East Region
Games to be played at Tokyo Arena in Japan:
(1) Mongolia vs. (3) Indonesia August 20
Africa Region
Games to be played at Giza Stadium in Egypt:
(3) Egypt vs. (4) Democratic Republic of the Congo August 18
Americas/Islands Region
Games to be played at Castries Field in St. Lucia:
(1) Australia vs. (3) St. Lucia August 17

Round 3 concluded

VWBC
With St. Lucia's close defeat of Chile on August 2, the regional semifinals of the VWBC came to a close. Although the round was by no means lacking in drama or excitement, it was a round that left fans looking more forward than back with the exciting regional championships it set up. The first of the top seeds exited in this round, starting with the very first match as England triumphed over Germany. Then of course Liechtenstein pulled off their unbelieveable upset of Scotland to prolong their incredible run, and round 3 was rolling. Despite a considerable mid-round delay, all is well again now after more of the same filled out the quarterfinal matchups. With the scheduled rest break between rounds 3 and 4 now over, tension has reached unbelievable levels in anticipation of the coming round's matches.

And what matches they will be. In the European finals, a slight underdog and a huge underdog will do battle, with England, coming off an upset of 1 seed Germany facing Liechtenstein, already the victors of an incredible cinderella run. The Asian region will feature a clash between the strong but as-of-yet untested Indonesian squad and the almighty Mongolian Machine, a seemingly unstoppable team that has steamrolled all comers thus far. Africa will feature a clash of two battle-tested titans, with 4 seed DRC coming off their defeat of top-seeded Chad to face down the tough Egyptians. Finally, in the Americas/Islands, St. Lucia will see if they can face down Australia and the rising power they bring. All eyes now turn to the matches whose victors will be able to claim dominance over entire continents.

July 30 - August 2 Results

VWBC
After a considerable delay, the results are in for the final two days of round 3 play. Unfortunately, this delay was caused by what basically amounted to a mass desertion among the players of the tournament. It started on August 20, when some members of the Australian team who also happened to be avid surfers noticed some gnarly swells hitting the coast of Hawaii. Without further ado, despite the fact that they were scheduled to play in 3 days, 10 Australian players booked flights and were out within a few hours. Following their example, a significant portion of the Chad team decided to go after said swell and were also gone. Within hours of the end of play on July 20, scores of players from VWBC teams were disappearing to Hawaii. Even if they weren't surfers, they decided to go along with their buddies, or even in some cases, such as in the case of the Chilean team where not one of them surfed, they decided to go along just for fun. Consequently, the next day none of the eight teams still yet to play in round 3 could field teams of more than 7 players. It quickly became clear that organizers were powerless, for if they denied the players their vacation, then the VWBC, a tournament that had taken years and countless drawn-out negotiating sessions to organize, would simply crumble beneath them. Seeing that they had no choice, organizers offered the players a 9 day break, until July 30, which the players accepted.
In an effort to keep interest high for many of the fans that had traveled across the world to venues, the VWBC put on an event called the Hemisphere Series, in which members of teams that had remained (eliminated or not eliminated) were divided into teams representing their respective hemispheres. For the first five days it was North vs. South, and for the next five players were reorganized and it was East vs. West. Tickets were free and all manner of additional entertainments took place around the stadiums. Although it lacked many stars and any meaning, the Hemisphere Series was quite a success for such short notice, giving players from different countries the opportunity to play together in a pressureless atmosphere. In the end, North prevailed over South, 4 games to 0, and East prevailed over West, 3 games to 1.
Now that you have all that backstory through your head, here are the results for the real games that were played at the conclusion of the break:
July 30:
(1) Chad 3 (4) Democratic Republic of the Congo 5
Chad's squad, coming in as a strong 1 seed, had been weak all tourney, barely scraping victories against their first two punching-bag opponents. Running into a truly strong opponent proved to be their undoing as they came apart against the DRC's effective defense and consistent hitting.
July 30:
(2) Sierra Leone 7 (3) Egypt 10
In a matchup that was looked as close as it could get, a 2 seed vs. a 3 seed, Egypt knocked off Sierra Leone in a game that was indeed close. The Egyptians got off to a good start in the first with 3 runs, but Sierra Leone slowly built up a lead that surpassed them with 5 runs by the 6th, meanwhile holding Egypt to no additional runs. Sierra Leone's bullpen failed them in the 7th, however, when they replaced their starter, only to find the reliever concede 4 runs while only giving up one out before being pulled. In the 8th, Sierra Leone continued the see-saw with two runs to tie it, but Egypt prevailed in the 9th with a walk-off three run homer that came before Sierra Leone's once again faulty bullpen could record an out.
August 1:
(1) Australia 5 (5) USA 2
In a clash of old vs. new, budding pacific power Australia stared down the country that started it all, the USA backed by centuries of tradition, and overthrew them. Australia picked up runs piecemeal during the first 5 innings, eventually ending up with a lead of 4 to the American 0 after 5, more than they would need. However the USA had a tradition to protect, and would not go down without a fight. Before a stadium overflowing with fans of both sides, the Americans made a valiant last stand in the 7th, picking up two runs off of a solo homer and an rbi double that left men on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out. Their offensive was cut short by two remarkable plays by the Aussies on balls that would have been hits in most cases. After that, the Aussies iced the cake in the 8th with a solo home run and silenced any further American hopes for runs with a 1-2-3 inning in the 8th and a one-hit inning in the 9th. The US certainly accquited themselves well however, and no one can say they played badly, in fact they had a very good chance of winning were it not for the stupendous Australian defense in the 7th
August 2:
(3) St. Lucia 1 (7) Chile 0
On the final day of round 3, St. Lucia moved on in front of a roaring home crowd, despite a few scares. Their only run came off of small-ball play in the 3rd, but their defense was dominating, strangling almost all Chilean rallies before they got beyond two hits. The only real offensive chance Chile had was in the 5th with bases loaded and 1 out, but they squandered it with a shallow fly and weak grounder to end the inning. The Chilean defense was solid however, having achieved a remarkable feat in holding powerful St. Lucia to 1 run. If their offense was a tad better, they could have become only the second seed above 4 to advance to the regional finals.